A Foreword from the Editors
One observes, with a weariness bordering on the existential, that the English language is in a state of quite advanced decomposition. The culprits are not, as one might charitably suppose, foreign influences — no, the rot is entirely homegrown. We have therefore taken it upon ourselves, at considerable personal inconvenience, to construct a programme of remedial correction for those who persist in treating prepositions as though they were interchangeable seasoning.
You are not here because you are good at English. You are here because someone, at some point, failed you — and we intend to rectify the matter with all the gentleness of a Latin exam.
§ — Syllabus — §
§ I. — Now Accepting Pupils
Prepositions
The humble preposition — so small, so seemingly inconsequential, yet responsible for more reputational damage at dinner parties than any other part of speech. We shall drill it into you until the correct usage becomes, as it were, second nature. Or first nature. We are not optimistic.
Sit the Examination →
§ II. — The 'A' & 'The' of It
Articles
A definite article. An indefinite article. The zero article. If you suppose there is nothing further to discuss, you have rather proved our point. The Governors are presently interviewing tutors of sufficient pedantry.
— The Governors Are Interviewing Tutors —
§ III. — Past, Present & Perplexed
Verb Tenses
The English verb system is a labyrinth in which even native speakers routinely become lost, wander for years, and emerge using the present continuous where the simple past would have sufficed. Applications to the waiting list are now open.
— The Governors Are Interviewing Tutors —